These Chat Up Lines Will Kill Your Tinder Game…Dead

In the era of social media, the chat up line is, we are afraid to say, still alive and well. Here are some of the best things to say to someone you fancy if you never want to see them again.

Are you a parking ticket because you got fine written all over you?

This one is older than Opal Fruits, but these things cycle, right? This chat up line could be considered retro at worst. You have to be pretty smooth to pull this off. Looking like Bradley Cooper might help too.

My magical watch says you aren’t wearing any underwear! (I am.) It must be an hour fast.

This works because if they say they aren’t that is a blatant flirt. You have effectively cornered them in your web of merry mirth. Of course, you may just get a slap, that sometimes happens.

Let me tie your shoes, cause I don’t want you falling for anyone else.

This one is sweet but the suggestion is that they are falling for you, they almost certainly aren’t Maybe a nice one to use on your actual girlfriend though.

I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

This has more cheese than a Brie factory. You have to have some balls to use it. Do not expect a positive response.

I thought happiness started with an H. Why does mine start with U?

This is at very least an interesting new take on the famously bad “If I designed the alphabet I’d put U and me together”. But not really clever enough to get you a number.

Are you Netflix? Because I could watch you for hours.

I really like the stalker-ish undertones here. Nothing makes you more attractive to the opposite sex then suggesting that you are following them. May as well take responsibility for that tent in their garden too while you are at it.

Is your name Ariel? Cause we Mermaid for each other!

The only chance of this working is if they are a big Disney fan, bonus points if they have red hair.

Charizard is red, Squirtles are blue, if you were a Pokemon, I would choose you!

This one probably works best online. High chances for success if they are obviously a fan of the pocket monsters. Although Charizard is blatantly orange.

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock.

It is a classic. Also if it’s good enough for Young Money it’s good enough for you.

On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight?

This a great one to use online. Although it is a bit overused now and it’s easy to come back with an oppressed country leaving you red-faced. If they haven’t heard it and have a decent intellect they might get a kick from it.

This is “so us” me doing all the talking and you just sitting there, looking cute.

A great line to use if you don’t get a response. It shows your humour and that you aren’t afraid to take the mickey. It’s all about the bants!

You wanna go halfsies on an illegitimate child?

Because all the best chat up lines are basically just propositioning somebody for sex!

You’re so hot if you ate bread, you’d poop toast

Nothing bad can come from using a chat up line that contains the word poop. You are literally on to a guaranteed winner with this.

I can’t believe they actually let me use this app from jail!

The whole “I’m a bad boy” schtick is a classic and this take on it is a great twist taking advantage of modern technology. Of course, when they see on your profile that you are 4 foot 4 and weigh 60 pounds they may question what you are in the big house for!

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