It was Shakespeare who coined the phrase the green-eyed monster. It is an apt descriptor for anyone who has suffered from it. Jealousy is a monster. It can wreck potentially great relationships and trigger anxiety attacks. Here are some tips if you suffer from insecurities but you don’t want it to ruin your relationship.
Is it always bad?
Not always. In fact, a little bit is quite healthy. It shows that you care. If you feel a tad jealous when your partner is at the club then that is pretty normal. When it becomes problematic is when it develops into more than just a fleeting feeling. When it is dwelled upon and affects your actions it can be extremely destructive.
Look at your relationship
If you are struggling in your relationship take an objective look at it. Is the other person honest? Are they consistent and true to their word? If there is a disconnect here it may be the root of your problems. However, if your partner is honest and giving you no good reason to feel the way you do then you need to take a look at yourself.
The man in the mirror
Studies have shown that your attitude to relationships and in particular how secure you feel is closely linked to social queues you witnessed during childhood. People from stable homes who are brought up with warmth and affection tend to display high self-esteem and aren’t overly bothered by jealous feelings.
Conversely, those who have a troubled childhood, perhaps living with caregivers who are overly critical or who shied away from delivering affection, often develop into adults who are insecure and have a negative attachment style.
You can change
If the issue is with your attachment style then you can change. Attachment styles are malleable. Just as having negative relationship experiences, even in later life can have a negative impact – so can positive experience help you to have a more healthy attachment style.
It’s easy for people who are secure to say “you are being crazy” but sometimes it is hard to see that yourself. Calling on someone to help is never a bad idea. Ask your friends for their opinions and their support.
Recognise, learn and grow
At the risk of dropping a cliché the first step towards beating a problem is acknowledging that you have one. Be honest with yourself if you are being jealous. Once you have done that you can turn it into a growth exercise. Learn what has triggered you. Think critically about your thought process and if it sensible or not. And finally let go of your feelings, if they are destructive what is the point of keeping hold of them?
Let it go
Take a leaf out of Queen Elsa’s book and just let go of it. This could be in the form of meditation exercises. Close your eyes and take deep breaths. Imagine the jealousy flowing out of your body. It may sound a bit strange but this exercise can really help.
Ultimately these feelings spring from low self-esteem. This isn’t always going to be something you can snap your fingers and fix! However, try this exercise. Next time you are feeling this way think about something that you do better than your partner. Once you have done that it is easier to acknowledge that you are valuable. There is no such thing as someone being out of somebody else’s league. We are all valuable human beings with different strengths and weaknesses and just because you cannot see what your partner sees in you it doesn’t mean that they don’t think the world of you.