In the words of Joy Division, love can indeed tear you apart. But does it have to? It turns out that it can actually pull people together. It is easy to stay with someone at the start of a relationship. When you are first dating life can seem magical and exciting. Real love is more enduring and at times you will need that.
Don’t push me away
When you get past your teens and experience a long term relationship or two you start to figure out what love is all about, or I guess you think you do. If you have a few bad experiences it can leave you guarded. I have seen it a million times where a guy or a girl pushes a good guy/girl away because they are scared.
Don’t chase butterflies
You have no idea how often I see strong relationships fall apart because one of the partners get itchy feet or get bored. They end relationships with decent people who they are well suited to because they need that butterfly feeling in their stomach. That butterfly feeling is exhilarating but if it continues throughout a relationship it is usually a sign of anxiety. Over time it should be replaced with a feeling of comfort and trust. It’s not as exciting but far more valuable.
So when you are past that part where everything is exciting, where do you go from there? Well firstly keep the magic. You may not get that exciting feeling on a second by second basis but you can generate that spark. Do things just to be nice. Make an effort to be spontaneous. Do date nights, surprise your other half and do things just to make them happy. In a good relationship, they will repay that favour and that is where things are so much better.
You kind of get the good bits from a new relationship with the added bonus of trust and respect. Plus you can totally get away with letting out farts, the single best part of a long relationship.
Why this is so important
Relationships are not going to be happy all the time. I know, shocker, right? And in fact, if you always agree on everything that in itself can be problematic. Being in a strong relationship means you don’t lose your identity or your sense of self. When you are a team you can disagree and work through disagreements.
If you have all this…
You do not want to throw it all away. I have seen it done on so many occasions. When things get difficult I think more and more our instinct is to step away from a strong relationship. In the modern world, we feel spoiled for choice. Most people have ex-partners on their social media friends list and have people who DM them in a flirty manner.
Never before have a generation felt so spoiled for choice when it comes to a partner and as a result of this, we have become fussy. Rather than trying to make it work with the one we are with it seems easier to move on to the next one. I’m not saying fear of being alone should be the reason you stick with somebody. What I am saying is what you have is worth more than that fleeting feeling you can get from the start of something new.
Take this to the bank
To quote a friend of mine “make love with the one in your house and war with the one next door – not the other way round”. It’s a great bit of advice and one many have found out the hard way.