If Game of Thrones has taught us anything it’s that sex sells, even if it involves dwarves and dragons. Long before sex came to our TV screens it was strewn throughout literature and not just in Mills and Boon books either. So it was no surprise when sex started to appear in our video games. Here are nine times sex appeared in a game.
GTA: San Andreas
This definitely gets a thumbs down. Rockstar seldom does a lot wrong but the infamous “Hot Coffee” scene was a definite blot on the copy paper. To be fair it was hidden in the code and it did take a mod to be accessible. Rockstar doesn’t do tasteful when it comes to sex but this wasn’t just crass it was crap.
Mass Effect 2
Shephard liked to put himself about and there are a wealth of romantic options you can pursue in the second incarnation. Perhaps the fact that you can sleep with an alien is a statement about racial equality or maybe it’s just that the folks at Bioware have a weird tentacle fetish, either way, we tend to plump for Miranda and the scene with her is done beautifully and tastefully.
The Witcher 3
You have to love how the main character in Witcher is super randy. He literally puts down his sword to roll in the hay at the drop of a hat. Fortunately, the scenes are handled delicately. The Keira scene is particularly well-done. Although I’m not really sure why she lies there afterwards with her bra back on. What girl finishes and then puts a bra back on?
Ride To Hell: Retribution
Imagine taking an eighties hair metal video and crossing it with a very softcore porno. Not only are the sex scenes utterly gratuitous in this game, unfortunately, but they are also probably the best part about it. If fully clothed romps with disproportioned girls is your thing you may like this.
God Of War
As good as the game is, and it is, the sex scenes are equally as bad. All the girls look like they were produced by the person who created the modelling for Barbie dolls. It feels like sex just for the sake of pulling in a few more pervy players, the game didn’t need it to make sales.
Dragon Age Inquisition
People at Bioware know how to put sex in their games. In many ways, they led the line with Mass Effect. In Dragon Age, Iron Bull is a hulking beast that throws down whenever he can. It’s pretty niche stuff but his relationship scenes are cute and the fact that you don’t really get to see more than the flirting is actually a classy way of doing things.
Another great game with a lame sex scene. The fact that you had to follow the button prompts or ruin the moment meant if you wanted to complete the scene you couldn’t watch it properly. Lame. Also, who does it on the floor when there is a perfectly adequate bed just there?
In a seedy crime game, you need strip joints and hookers else you won’t get the full-blown criminal experience. One of the mini-games in GTA 4 was managing Niko’s relationships. If dates went well enough you were invited back to their place – and no you don’t get to see anything, clearly, Rockstar has learned lessons from Manhunt!
Everything about this scene is bad. From the fact you start in knitwear to the idea that just because you nail your guitar playing a woman is going to sleep with you. Actually, there might be a modicum of truth to that one but it has no place in a video game.