As we talked about yesterday breaking up with your ex can be painful. We discussed using the no contact rule as the first stage of trying to win them back. Today we are going to look at some other techniques for once non-contact is done.
If you have taken our advice then over the past few weeks you have been really working on you. Getting yourself in shape, living your best life. This is really important and the key to having a chance of getting your ex back (for reasons we will divulge shortly) but it is important to take this view before you embark on the next phase. “I am happy even if I fail”. You cannot go into the second phase with the mindset that you need your ex because if you do, you are not ready yet!
Over the past several weeks you should have been forcing yourself to have the time of your life. You should have been all over social media posting pictures of you at parties, gym selfies, visiting new places, you know all that stuff you don’t do when you are in a relationship! This taps into a psychological phenomenon known as FOMO (fear of missing out).
They will see how great a time you are having and this will lead to them questioning if they made the right decision. Even if they deleted you on social media there is a good chance that their friends or family will be stalking you and there is a strong possibility they will get wind of the fact that you have been having a great time, without them.
Breaking the contact – the three F’s
This sounds strange but having spent the month ignoring them, unless they contact you – which often does happen – you will have to contact them. When you do this you want to make literally no references to the relationship. The key here is to be fun. If they are still single after a month then the chances are that they may feel a little lonely. You want to be the antithesis of a bad boy/girlfriend.
Because of your history, it is okay if you are flirty with them, but the key is to be fun, flirty and funny. Make no comments about getting back together, you want to create a dynamic where every time they get a message from you they want to read it. The normal dating rules apply here. Don’t double message and don’t reply instantly. Get into the habit of leaving your phone on silent and message them in the evening when they’re likely to be sat watching tv. Don’t text too much though. And mix it up. Sometimes leave it a few days without texting. If that seems like playing a game that’s because that is exactly what you are doing.
Go for a coffee
Having been back and forth flirting for a few weeks you need to move things along ask them for a coffee. If you did this with any other person they would instantly think date. Your ex might think this too and it may make them wary. If they question it deny it is a date. Be dismissive and just say “Nah, just thought it would be cool to catch up, say…(insert time here)”
If they say no, don’t try and re-arrange. Ask on a different occasion. The important thing is to play this like a single person chasing another single person. Yes, you have insider information which gives you an advantage but all the usual dating rules apply. You need to seem confident and desirable, not dependent because that isn’t going to win them back, yes you can be persistent but that comes later. Of course, this isn’t the be all and end all, but securing an in-person meeting is important. We will explain why shortly!