Signs Y’all Might Not Be The Gamers You Think

We all like to think that we have a K/D ratio on par with Josef Stalin, but the truth is that most of us are more vanilla then killer. So when it comes to video games here are some signs that you are more dud than stud.

Your younger sister has a higher Gamerscore than you.

This is not a sexist comment. Girls can be amazing video gamers. When we say “younger” what we mean is the one who is five and mainly plays Roblox. If she is packing a much higher Gamerscore than you I’d give up my dreams of being an eSports player and think about a career in your local Burger King.

When you first turn on your console it opens up Viva Pinata

No offence to the game. (Which I love by the way) but it is hardly the title to sharpen your reaction or improve your tactical nouse is it? Give the devil its due, with its cutesie graphics and easy to master gameplay it is addictive, but it’s never going to get you into FaZe.

When you are playing with a group of mates they tut when you get put on their side

This is a sure-fire sign that they don’t want to be on your side. It could just be that as a teenage boy your body odour leaves a lot to be desired, but you are playing online so how the heck did they know that. Chances are it’s down to talent or your apparent lack of.

You have a modded controller

Are you familiar with the phrase “all the gear, no idea”? If you have a modded controller this is basically you. Pro gamers can pick up any old, dog-chewed controller and still school everyone. This device says you are trying too hard.

When someone throws you a tennis ball you drop it

There is a strong chance that you may just be Chandler Bing. Here is the thing about video games, they tend to require great hand/eye coordination and if you can’t even get it together enough to catch a ball how the heck are you going to pull off a 360 no-scope?

You only own one console

The best gamers will have a Switch and Xbox and the latest Playstation and probably a high-end PC on the go too. If all you have is a battered old Master System the chances are you should probably skip out the next game’s tournament.

You are more into idle and casual games

I’m not trying to be too critical of idle games. In fact, I love them. I am also rubbish at video games. These delights are to kill time and preoccupy you while you sit on the sofa waiting for your Dominoes to be delivered. They are not going to turn you into a world-beater. It’s a bit like training for the hundred metres by flying a kite.

You prefer playing real football to FIFA

Real exercise is totally good for you and should be encouraged. But if you do more of it then you do playing video games then your skills aren’t going to compare to a hardcore gamer. On the Brightside, you probably get better luck with the opposite sex.

Your PC has an I3 processor

You can’t have a rocket ship powered by ragu sauce. Invest a little in your games machine, please? It’s what the gaming gods demand. Also, spend a bit more on that GPU. You will thank us.

You sometimes let your little brother win

Like the members of the Cobra Kai Dojo, you have to take a no mercy stance. It doesn’t matter if you are playing your two-year-old son. You show that little fella what an ass-kicking looks like. That’s what real winners do!

Start the discussion

to comment