I don’t know about the folks at home, I can only assume if you are reading this you are probably a gamer. But as we all know there is a fine line between having a hobby and an obsession, as I regrettably found out when the police shut down my taxidermist business. So in order for you to not slip into the realms of obsession, here is our handy checklist to make sure you are not playing too many video games.
You call in sick to work because of a late-night session
Nearly every gamer has had that moment when they glance at their watch and realise it’s 2 am and they have a big presentation tomorrow. That is normal fandom. When you are having to cancel plans because you were up until 6 am just to get a green version of your level one pickaxe…You might have a games problem.
You have release dates for games in your diary
There are a couple of games I am excited about this year. If I’m super excited I may even know the release date of one of them, but when not a day goes by where you don’t have a notification informing you of the latest releases then that’s sad.
You have blown off plans with your significant other because you are near the next level and you want to grind.
You don’t have to spend every single night with your better half. And there is nothing wrong with keeping a night free for gaming, but when you are supposed to be taking her to that fancy restaurant and instead are grinding on Dota 2, that’s where the line is.
You refer to people in the real world as noobs
Let’s be honest it isn’t a real-world insult. Even scarier is when you start referring to people that work in retail as NPC’s.
When somebody gets that promotion at work that you wanted, you assume it’s because they were hacking.
It couldn’t possibly be just because they didn’t call in sick because E3 was on. If they are better than you it is because they are cheating the system.
Your game reward card has 3 digits worth of points on it.
I remember once being ecstatic when I got £2.50 knocked off of my game thanks to my reward card. This was during my early twenties where I brought a lot of games. I think I had recently brought a console too. So if you are at the point where your reward card is packing 3 digits, you are hardcore.
People buy you game vouchers instead of presents for Christmas
Because if they were just to buy you a game the chances are that you already have it. And if they brought you anything else you would only kick-off!
You best friend lives across the Atlantic
If your best friend lives across the pond and goes by the name of HXor17 or something similar then you probably need to start spending time with the three-dimensional people. No, I don’t mean you should invest in a VR headset.
Your favourite YouTube Playlist is the theme music to Final Fantasy
You can listen to pretty much any song on the planet on YouTube. From ABBA to ZZ Top. So with all that choice at your fingertips, if you still find yourself reaching for the theme tunes to video games then you deserve to be geek shamed!
You can’t comprehend why most women don’ have the body proportions of Lara Croft.
This may be part of the reason that you are single. Of course, it may be that you forgo showering so you can get online, but the jury is out!